Losing your spark after having children

By now, many of you are likely familiar with the TikTok trend "Losing your spark after having children." If you're not, here's a brief explanation. In this trend, women share videos of themselves before having children and then show a video depicting them in a "less appealing" way after becoming mothers.

I'm a mom, so I fully understand how hard it can be to feel beautiful once you enter those postpartum trenches. From dealing with PPD, body dysmorphia, hair loss, swelling feet, and being extremely hormonal, It can take a toll on your self esteem. While all of these overwhelming feelings are valid, let me present an alternative perspective for you to consider.

You become a new woman when you give birth, so it's not that you've "lost" your spark; you're simply finding a way to balance life with a different spark. Like most moms, before we have children, we have a little chat with ourselves and say things like, "I'm not going to let motherhood change me," or "I'm still gonna be the same girlie I was before I became a mom." I hate to break it to you, sis, but that's a lie. Everything about you evolves when you become a mother. You become stronger, fiercer, calmer, and more determined. A fire ignites within you that enables you to push past those postpartum challenges to take care of those babies. The old spark has stepped aside in preparation for the new one to shine.

Is the new spark in the room?

Different spark? Where is it?! Well, sis, here's something you might not want to hear: you need to go find it! If your entire life post-baby revolves solely around the baby and never about you, you'll never discover who this new woman is. You must prioritize YOU! I understand this varies for every mom. You might be a single mom, have an unsupportive partner, or lack a community to help with babysitting. Even though all of that is tough, you still need to find a way to make time for yourself. Self-care might mean staying up late after putting the kids to bed to enjoy a bubble bath. Sometimes it means dressing up and doing your makeup even if you're not going out. You could also join a gym that provides childcare services. It's challenging, but it's possible.

I've done all of that and I still feel like I have no spark.

We oftentimes forget the importance of positive self-talk. Practice in the mirror. Don't criticize yourself about the weight you might have gained. Remember you birthed a human. Tell yourself how beautiful, talented, and amazing you are, even when you don't feel pretty.

Schedule some time with your girls! Spending time with your close friends can boost your mood! Sometimes it takes pulling out one of those old dresses and hitting the town with your crew to remind yourself that you really are THAT GIRL!

Try new things to discover hobbies you enjoy. Take that cooking course, start painting, break that camera back out. You might be surprised at what you enjoy.

Give yourself time.

Studies show that it can take women anywhere from 6 months to 3 years to start to feel like herself again. Give yourself grace and be patient with yourself. It took 37+ weeks to create a baby in your womb. Keep that in mind when you expect to feel normal immediately after having your baby.

You deserve to be cared for. You're more than just a mom. You dedicate so much of yourself to caring for your family. Now, it's time to invest some of that energy in yourself. Let today be the last day you feel like you've lost your spark. Lift your head and adjust your crown.

If your emotions do not get better or you find it difficult to manage, you may be dealing with postpartum depression. The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is available to you. This is a complimentary and private service for expectant and new mothers in the United States. You can reach out by calling or texting 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262). 

Share this with an amazing mom.